Personal | Comparison | Mentoring

It’s no secret that I’m an avid follower of Lara Casey and her Making Things Happen movement.  She has honestly transformed much of my life both personally and professionally.  She has inspired me in countless ways.  And although spiritually we may be on different levels, I love her encouraging words and they seem to hit home with me all too often.  She did a post awhile back that inspired me enough to want to blog about it.  And it’s been a topic that has been weighing on my mind a lot lately.

“Comparison isn’t just the thief of JOY, it’s the thief of EVERYTHING. If you are comparing your business, work, kids, marriage, finances, spiritual maturity, smarts, ___[insert whatever it is for you]___ to any other human being on this earth, you will continue to chase your tail and you will MISS YOUR LIFE. I am typing that in all caps, because I was so there. I chased “big” and “more more more” and “the best” and more followers and — you get the picture — for way too long. Until all of those things I had worked so hard to build by comparing myself to others started to crumble.”

It was that statement that got me thinking how destructive it can be to compare yourself to others.  And to get caught up in doing what everyone else seems to be doing.  With the frenzy of social media, Pinterest, Facebook, Twitter, Vine, Instagram, etc. comparison is smacking us in the face every chance it gets.  And I’ll be the first to admit that I love sharing bits of my life, my career, my kids with family and friends and colleagues. And that this “destructiveness” is especially true in the business of taking pretty pictures. Comparison is downright destructive.  It’s easy to get sucked into looking at other people’s work non-stop. There’s a part of us that wants to learn, there’s a part of us that is curious how they do what they do, why their clients look so fabulous, how they manage to nail amazing locations with perfect light every single time they shoot.  And eventually you get to a point – although your clients are also beautiful and so is your work, and your locations – that you start to feel that you’re not as good as they are.  And although you’ve done everything in your power to be like them … shoot like they do … use the same settings … bought the same gear … shoot in the same places … you will never ever be as good as them.  Ever.  I can say that boldly because I’ve been there.  You will never be as good as them because you are you … not them.

Some of my favorite wedding photographers Jose Villa, Jasmine Star, Jessica Claire, Clayton Austin, Elizabeth Messina (I could go on for days) are people that I’ve learned to watch from a safe distance.  To watch with admiring eyes and to be inspired.  But remind myself that I am not them.  Don’t get me wrong, I loooove their work so much I can taste it.  But  I’ve also come to terms with the fact that I am NOT them.  And I’m ok with that.  Because I love the artist that I am today.  (But I could still eat up their work with a spoon and a side of jam.)

I had this realization a few months back when I decided to try to move all of my old work/albums from my old Facebook page to my newer one.  It’s was crazy how it happened.  But as I did I realized something important that day.  The thoughts started pouring into my brain as I dug into my older work.  Damn I was good.  Was?  Why did I used to be good?  Or better yet, why was I feeling that way?

The only photographer I should be comparing myself to is the one I used to be.  I loved all of my older work as much as I did the day I shot it.  It got me fired up and I found myself inspired by my clients of past, my great locations, my amazing light that I had discovered in some of my favorite locations.  And I was damn proud of the work that I’ve produced over the years!

There.  I said it.  Out loud.  I love MY OWN work.  I love who I am.  I’m a damn good photographer.  And while we’re at it …  I’m also a damn good mom, friend, wife and I’ll be damned if right now wouldn’t be a great time to say that I am also really great at cooking, building forts with my kids, keeping my house clean, gardening and I can also make the world’s best guacamole.  (Insert fist pump)

And back to the point of this post, comparison is the thief of joy.   Until you begin to love yourself, love your work, your experiences and your own journey, true unabounding joy will be seemingly out of reach.  Which is silly, because joy is yours for the taking.  Go get it.  

As I mentor other photographers in my For the Love of Learning Mentoring Sessions, I remind each one of this.  I remind them to stop comparing themselves to other photographers.  And that at the end of the day, it is their vision and their art that will bring them the most happiness in this business of taking pretty pictures.  And if they’re still struggling with the whole “I’m not good enough” I encourage them to step outside of their comfort zone, challenge themselves, push and push harder from the inside out.  Because once we stop comparing ourselves to others and start loving our own work that is when the magic really starts to happen.

I shot this frame during one of my recent mentoring sessions with Jacqueline & Julie of Violet Hour Photography.  We were at the end of our shoot, and I had gotten all of the shots I needed.  I wanted to try something new, something maybe a little weird, step outside of my comfort zone.  And even if no one else on this planet sees what I saw that day, I love it. And that’s what really matters.